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The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Hunter S. Thompson

 

mor·tal

ˈmôrtl/

adjective

(of a living human being, often in contrast to a divine being) subject to death.

 

I miss Hunter. No I never met the man in person but to me his words were enough to make me feel I had lost a true friend. A brother even. And so I miss him. His words embody an idealism I deludingly try to uphold. And they also reveal the fragility of that practice. One self observation that truly puzzles me is how I’m able to turn the joy, excitement and satisfaction of being inspired with an idea, jump into it with complete confidence, create a work flow and schedule that focuses me and allows me to see the big picture, design, build, compose and produce work and just before the whole idea is about to be fully realized,,, I turn it into anxiety, fear and self loathing. Am I good enough? Can I pull this off? This idea SUCKS!!!! I’m sure it’s just some left over family or relationship and/or educational/cultural issues which at this point doesn’t or shouldn’t really matter (I’m a big boy now). But nonetheless the pattern persists. So usually my automatic response is to work even harder, longer, faster!. Must do more!!!! And once that train gets going, oh boy its hard to stop. But this morning as I rose from a half wake half sleep state and literally ran down to the performance space to catch that anxiety train to destination paranoid I suddenly stopped and looked out at the snow covered vineyard thru the window taking in it’s stillness and perfection and a little voice in my head said,,, “Sully,, take a break why don’t cha!!!!”

 

Good Advice!

 

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